Dear Ethical Etty, 

  For the past few months, I noticed members yelling at the platform chair if a word is forgotten or misused.  Other times, a member will shout what they believe is a humorous remark at the platform chair.  Some platform chairs do not seem to mind and others seem confused or hurt by the outbursts. I find this behavior rude and distracting. I am also concerned about what visitors might think.  I am sure there is a more courteous and less disruptive way of correcting mistakes or enlivening the program.  Do you have any suggestions? 

Embarrassed 

Dear Embarrassed, 

  If asked, I am sure persons who shout out would explain that they are trying to be helpful or that they are reacting with spontaneous humor.  These people may even tell you to, “Lighten up.”  How can we place these interactions in an ethical context?  

  Many of us think of Confucius in terms of pithy sayings stuffed into Chinese fortune cookies.  In the Great Learning, Confucius wrote the following parable. 

  The ancient kings who originally put our world in order began by regulating    their kingdoms.  Wishing to regulate their kingdoms, they began by regulating their own families.  Wishing to regulate their families, they ennobled their lives.  In ennobling their lives, they purified their thoughts.  In purifying their thoughts, they cultivated their minds. In cultivating their minds, they extended to the utmost their knowledge. Their lives being ennobled, their families were regulated, and their families being regulated, order reigned in their states.  Consequently, there was peace on earth. 

  For Confucius, ennobling our lives meant bringing out another person’s best by acting with kindness.  I believe that one strategy for bringing out the best in another (and thereby in ourselves) is to consider how the platform chairperson might want to be treated.  Perhaps before providing an unsolicited correction or joke, we could ask ourselves whether we are unintentionally embarrassing or distracting the chairperson and audience members by our outbursts.  Are we choosing to divert the focus to ourselves? Certainly, raising a hand to seek recognition would be less disruptive.   

  As Etty says, “the small man makes himself large at the expense of others.  The superior man builds relationships.” 

                               Etty