Dear Etty,

I have a friend who is hard of hearing.  He is fifty-five years old.  His hearing loss has gone from mild to severe and I frequently have to repeat my words.  When I asked him whether he had sought medical advice about his hearing, he told me that it is not so bad.  When I pressed a bit, he said that a hearing aid would make him look old.  Several months have passed since I mentioned my concern. Suggestions?

Concerned Friend

Dear CF,

Your concern for your friend’s health is well founded.  One study found a significant increase in depression, social isolation, and anxiety among hearing-impaired, middle-aged persons who do not wear hearing aids as compared with those who do.  In addition, hearing aid wearers reported improved sex lives.  National Council on Aging, The Consequences of Untreated Hearing Loss in Older Persons, May 1999, www.ncoa.org.  

Think of your friend’s hearing loss as being your problem.  “Fred, I am troubled by my inability to communicate with you.  Just yesterday, I missed visiting with you because you thought I said that I would be available to talk on Sunday when I said Saturday.  I am worried that we will drift apart.  I would really like you to talk with my friend, April.  She has been wearing a hearing aid for some time.  You told me that you are afraid that wearing a hearing aid will make you feel old.  I am guessing that you may also be worried that a hearing aid will not work for you.  I think April may be able to ease some of your concerns.  Would you be willing to talk with her?”   By sharing your feelings and needs in reaction to your friend’s situation, you are providing real empathy.  By offering a guess about your friend’s concerns, you are providing an opening for your friend to identify his feelings and needs.  On the other hand, nagging is unlikely to motivate your friend.  “So, when are you going to get that hearing aid, Fred?”  With this approach, you are likely to encounter resistance because nobody likes to feel pushed around.     

Etty

 Are you feeling uncertain about an ethical quandary?  Send an e-mail to Etty932@cox.net