Dear Etty,

Ok, I admit it. I am overweight. And so is my spouse.  We just can’t seem to control our appetites. We are now on cholesterol lowering medicines.  We are not good at exercising.  I have good willpower for most of the day.  By nightfall, my self-control is down and my caloric intake is up.  Is there any help?

Fighting the Bulge

Dear FB,

Q:  What’s the strongest force in the universe? 

A:   Force of Habit.

In addition to berating yourself, I suspect you may be tempted to equate poor eating habits with being a bad person.  Many people hold out for a tipping point, such as diabetes or heart disease, before taking weight control seriously.  If you are like me, you have probably rushed many times to buy what promises to be the last diet book you will need.  Or you can decide to take an ethical path.  Let’s first take a look at what story you may be telling yourself.  “I can’t lose weight because my spouse is overweight, I can’t lose weight because I am limited in my ability to exercise, I am just too old and fat to lose the pounds, the extra weight is caused by my stressful job, or my dirty, rotten ex-boyfriend caused me to gain weight.”  Once you blame yourself or scapegoat another, it is easy to feel angry and helpless.  

Perhaps it’s time to find some self compassion.  You are not a bad person.  You do have an eating disorder that is affecting the quality of your life.  Can you identify any needs that are not being met?  What can you ask of yourself or others that would satisfy those needs?  For example, I need a certain amount of order in my life. When the house appears messy, I become anxious.  A chocolate bar or two or three would help temporarily suppress my need for order.  Or, I could ask my partner to help me straighten out the house.  I could even take my need for order into my own hands by hiring a weekly cleaning service.  Having taken action to restore harmony, I could devout some time to imagining how it would feel to break the too much food habit.  Although your spouse may be willing to emulate your success, taking responsibility for your actions is the ethical path. 

Etty

Are you feeling uncertain about an ethical quandary?  Send an e-mail to Etty932@cox.net