Dear Etty, I try hard to get along with my family.  However, at least once each month I explode over something.  Last time it happened when my spouse asked whether I had made a copy of an application after the envelope was sealed and stamped.  I became angry because I took the initiative to work on the application without any offer of help from her.  I did not appreciate her unhelpful comment.    

Annoyed in Fairfax 

Dear Annoyed,   

Old Faithful builds up a head of steam and explodes every ninety minutes throwing skyward up to 8 thousand gallons of water.  Just like that geyser, your explosive behavior is predictable.  Let’s review the formula.  N (needs not communicated) plus A (annoyances) and T (time) equals E (explosion).  What would happen if you eliminated N, a crucial ingredient?  I am guessing that you were feeling overburdened and would have appreciated receiving more support from your spouse in completing the application.   I am also guessing that your spouse wanted to feel like she had some importance and would have appreciated being included in completing the application.  Had you explained that you wanted her assistance, your need for support and her desire for inclusion would have been satisfied.  Instead, you went solo.  When she tried to participate by offering a comment, she unwittingly completed the formula.             

Etty

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