Dear Etty, 

I make resolutions but they never take.  Lose weight.  Be more direct in my interactions. Stop watching so much television.  Act less cranky at work.  And so forth.  I am good at identifying areas that need improvement but poor at actually undertaking the improvements.  Obligations involving work and family seem to take center stage.  Is there an ethical approach to getting what I want? 

Still Optimistic 

Dear SO, 

“Warning! Warning!  Danger, Will Robinson!”  In practically every episode of the TV series, Lost in Space, the robot uttered these words to alert the youngest member of the family about an impending peril.  Doctor Zachary Smith, the family’s cowardly nemesis, usually triggered the peril.  In our lives, negative thoughts serve the Doctor Smith role by undermining our sense of worth.  Fortunately, we also come equipped with a warning device in the form of feelings -- that little voice in the back of our head or the pit of our stomach -- to alert us that something ain’t quite right.          

You explained that your daily life consists of work and family responsibilities with little time available for yourself.  You want to watch less television, exercise and diet, and strive for more direct and positive interactions.  However, you don’t seem to get around to taking actions necessary to achieve these results.  let’s assume you feel frustrated, disappointed, and a bit helpless because your need for self-care is not being met.  This does not mean abandoning work or family responsibilities.  It does mean that negative thoughts about your stifling environment are undermining your willingness to undertake self-improvement.  Why improve if I am a drudge?  Perhaps you could share your feelings and needs with your family and request their indulgence when you need to nap, want an adult education class, or seek a personal trainer.  While it is accurate that some tasks you perform are drudge-like, those tasks do not define you.   By recognizing your feelings and enrolling your family in helping meet your needs, you will be building relationships rather than placing blame on others or yourself.  That is the ethical approach to getting what you want.         

                                        Etty                                       

Are you feeling uncertain about an ethical quandary?  Send an e-mail to steamer64@cox.net