Dear Etty, 

Are people just aching to argue?  Seems like the slightest comment sets people off.  The other day, I kidded with someone about her mumbling when she chaired the Platform.  She almost took my head off.  

Kidder 

Dear Kid, 

Words do matter.  When people perceive our remarks as abusive, they are as likely to fight as flight.  If you believe we have an ethical responsibility to consider the consequences of our words, then don’t use these tactics.  

Cutting remark.    Unlike celebrities who frequently feign amusement when ridiculed, we are likely to demonstrate displeasure vigorously when asked whether we are speaking in tongues.      

Lashing out.  Telling someone off feels good for the moment until it inevitably brings into play Newton’s Third Law:  For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.     

Blame.  “That’s not what I said!”  Blaming language almost always draws a sharp retort.  Equal responsibility for a communication gone awry would result in the following type of response when we feel misheard.  “Would you tell me what you heard me say?”    

Excuses, excuses, excuses.  “I would love to help you move your piano.  However, I have a bad back, a doctor’s appointment, another engagement, wait…I will think of something.”  Rather than reaching into a grab bag of dishonest answers that most people will see through and resent, try directing communications from your genuine self.  “I am flattered that you thought of asking me to help move your piano.  However, I stopped moving heavy furniture several years ago because I don’t want to risk hurting myself.”   

                                        Etty